Tagged: kid

Highlights from My List of Reasons Not to Have Kids

Baby-global

This is the face of terror

I might lose them, and then where would I be?

I don’t want to go to parties and only talk about my children’s teachers

I would dress them stupidly for my own sick amusement

Four-year-olds have SO MUCH SNOT. I’ve never seen more mucus come out of any other age group

They eat ketchup alone

Elmo will own every building on Sesame Street pretty soon here, and I don’t like people referring to themselves in third person. Why would I like a Muppet doing it any better?

Continue reading