Tagged: Gustave

I Hate Poetry

Two years ago I took a class that spent half a semester on poetry. I hate poetry. Not for the usual reasons. Every time I have to write a poem, I wind up spending hours on Google researching things so I can write intelligently. (Do other people fact-check their poetry?) Invariably, I find something I’d rather never have known. (See: DeDe, the Indonesian Tree Man.)

The poem that ruined my life was one I was writing about sharks. I wasn’t sure if I could call a shark a “man-eater” because I’ve only ever heard that term applied to lions and literally everything in Australia. I Google one little thing, and all of the sudden I’m unable to stop researching things that can eat you. Long story short, I now travel everywhere with a key specifically for stabbing things, a flashlight specifically for blinding things, and a baseball bat specifically for clubbing things. (You think I’m joking.)

I find I look especially tough in argyle.

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