The holiday season is an exciting time, full of bright lights, borderline homicidal tendencies, and high tensions. Whether you’re talking awkwardly with your distant relatives at Thanksgiving, attempting to show up whichever high school nemeses also happen to be home during Hanukkah, or just trying to make your parents love you this Kwanzaa, the holidays are a holly, jolly minefield. Good luck, soldier.
Minefield #1: The Work Party
Work parties are either the best or the worst, with no in-between. If there’s a gift exchange, it’s likely going to be the bad work party. If Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman show up, it’s probably the good kind of work party but you shouldn’t stick around long enough to find out.
Grinch and Bear It
Everyone in my family likes Christmas a lot.
As for me, the girl who hates joy, I do not.
I kind of hate Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
So I ripped off a kid’s book to tell you the reason.
It could be it’s because there’s always a fight.
It could be, perhaps, it’s a very long night.
But I think the most likely reasons of all
Are best shown with the list I’m attempting to scrawl.
The number one reason Christmas makes me feel blue
Is when it comes down to it, I wish I were a Jew.
I think to myself, with a sour, Gentile frown,
That the Jewish people have those holidays down.
I’ve been to a couple Rosh Hashanahs before,
And Passover rocks (except the blood on the door)!