Tagged: birthday

I Hope I Die Before I Get Old

I had a tiny breakdown last week. I blame Theodore Roosevelt.

Yes. That Theodore Roosevelt.

Yes. That Theodore Roosevelt.

People go on and on about Roosevelt, talking about how he rode a moose, admiring him for getting shot just before a speech and powering through it, thanking him for regulating food so we don’t accidentally eat poor orphans anymore. Whatever. He’s always been a little too mainstream for me. I like my presidents so low-key that people forgot about them while they were still in office. Continue reading

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You Say It’s Your Birthday

If there’s one thing the internet likes, it’s boobs. If there are two things the internet likes, it’s boobs and cats. But if there are three things the internet really likes, it’s boobs, cats, and inspirational lists. You can find them on any carpe diem-themed blog, and for some reason they’re especially popular on travel blogs.

They’re always called “50 Things I’ve Learned By Age 50”, or “86 Things My 86-Year-Old Grandma Taught Me (Most Of Which You’re Going to Skip Because 86 Things Is 85 Too Many)”. I never, ever read these lists in their entirety, and I suspect no one does. I start them with the best intentions, but as soon as I read #3 or #4 (it’s always something like, “Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window because God hates air conditioning hahaha”) I get bored, and then I’m off to some other site to look at cats or boobs. (Mostly cats. I have my own boobs.)

And someday I’m going to have 80 of my own cats!

Continue reading