Tagged: awkward

A Bushel and a Peck and a Hug Around the Neck

Things We Need To Stop Doing

  • Believing that celery is a food and not just a gross, non-toxic weed
  • Pretending Pinterest makes any sense at all
  • Wearing those jeans with the crazy rhinestone pockets on the butt
  • Making Minion-themed memes (They don’t make sense! Why are the Minions there? Why do they suddenly have all these opinions about marriage and final exams?)
  • Claiming cake is better than pie
  • This:

 

You can read more thoughts on the horror that is hugging here. I’ll be on Amazon, ordering a large plastic bubble to live in.

Advertisements

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

You’re not going to believe this, but I used to be socially awkward. It’s true. I used to be so self-conscious of everything I did that I could barely function in polite society. Parties were hell. Small talk was the stuff of nightmares. Forget networking — I couldn’t say my name without choking on my own spit.

Oh, hang on. Did I say I used to be awkward? Oh, this is so embarrassing. What a terrible typo. What I meant was that I am currently, at this very moment, flailing around feeling weird about everything. It’s how I am and I’m never going to change. My obituary will read, “Stephanie died as she lived. In extreme discomfort, not knowing what to do with her hands.”

It took 10 minutes to get this shot of me feeling awkward about my hands because I felt too awkward and didn't know what to do with my hands.

It took 10 minutes to get this shot of me feeling awkward about my hands because I felt too awkward and didn’t know what to do with my hands.

Continue reading

She’s Such a Charmer

A few years ago I had to take a personality test for work. StrengthsFinder‘s shtick is that it focuses on areas identified by the test-makers in which you excel and not areas in which you could improve. My top five strengths (including “Analytical”, described with a sentence that begins, “You do not necessarily want to destroy other people’s ideas…”) were left-brained, logical and cold. They basically indicated that I’m Mr. Spock.

Some versions of StrengthsFinder will also tell you the characteristics in which you are less strong. Normally, I would call those “weaknesses”, but the test’s feel-good doublespeak doesn’t allow it. The area in which I am weakest most not-strong is WOO. WOO stands for Winning Others Over and not the act of wooing someone, even though one could argue that to woo is to Win anOther Over. (There I go, being all analytical and destroying other people’s ideas.) WOOers attend parties full of strangers and chat up a storm. They make friends in an elevator. Captain Kirk is an uppercase WOOer.

And a wooer, for that matter.

And a lowercase wooer, for that matter.

Continue reading

Caviar and Cigarettes, Well-Versed in Etiquette

I bought an etiquette book last weekend because I’m kind of punk rock.

No, really.

T.S. Eliot once said, “It’s not wise to violate the rules until you know how to observe them.”

He also said, “After I die, don’t namedrop me in blog posts. It’s pretentious.”

Continue reading

Awkward City

You know how cartoons in commercials have late-night epiphanies where they sit up straight in bed and their nightcap flies off their head in excitement? I had one of those last night, and I’m still looking for my hat. (Unrelated: It’s totally weird cartoon characters wear hats to bed, even though most of the people I know don’t even wear pants after 7.)

He’s wearing a hat but no pants. Why is that ok?

Continue reading