Clean the Pain Away

I like lists. I like color-coding. I like Google Calendar and neatly arranged bulletin boards. I think a good spreadsheet can be unspeakably beautiful, and that the coffee table book on organization that my grandma gave me for Christmas might be the greatest gift ever. I have two Martha Stewart books on hold at the library (but I should probably buy them, right, so I can turn to them at any time?) and “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” magically changed my life.

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Which I honestly did not see coming.

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Have Your Best Morning Ever

Look, I’m just a girl trying to live my best life. I do my best to eat right, although my green-smoothies-for-breakfast phase ended when I decided human beings have teeth for a reason (and it’s not just to catch chia seeds). I strive for a work-life balance so I can spend less time at the office and more time with my family cats. I’m 18-months into DIYing my entire living room, and the asbestos tests came back negative. I even recently took up meditation to get my spiritual self in order. So far my spiritual self likes falling asleep cross-legged and being mindful of how mindful I’m not being.

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Maybe I should get more open flames involved.

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How to Be a Polite Human on Instagram

I practiced for the school spelling bee for weeks in the fifth grade, and when the big day came, I spelled my way to safety through a dozen rounds. Eventually it was down to me and one other kid, standing in the front of the auditorium while the whole school sat and watched. My opponent had just flubbed a word, and if I spelled the next one correctly, I’d win the whole thing. A kindergartner in the front row held her breath while I walked up to the microphone.

“Corral,” I said. “C-O-R-R-A-L. Corral.”

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Pictured: a dramatic pause.

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Life inside a Slapstick Routine

On my way to work on Monday, I shut a part of my body in the car door.

This happens often, actually. I’ve shut my fingers in there more than once, and when I had long hair, it would get caught in the door all the time. I wouldn’t notice this until I whipped my head around to try to execute a tricky merge. I’d merge alright, but I’d have to check later for bald spots.

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This kind of thing has decreased by 4,000% since I got a pixie cut. I recommend them for that reason alone.

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How to Write a Blog and Earn Stacks of Cash

Hi!

It’s me, Stephanie. I know, it’s been a while. I have a slightly different haircut now. I’m a little taller. I grew this impressive mustache. But behind this virile handlebar is the same old Stephanie, back at Listful Thinking and ready to blog.

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This picture is a few years old. You wouldn’t believe my mustache now.

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