Hey, whoa! It’s me! Writing a blog post! This is kind of surprising, because things got weird there for a while and I disappeared.
I practiced for the school spelling bee for weeks in the fifth grade, and when the big day came, I spelled my way to safety through a dozen rounds. Eventually it was down to me and one other kid, standing in the front of the auditorium while the whole school sat and watched. My opponent had just flubbed a word, and if I spelled the next one correctly, I’d win the whole thing. A kindergartner in the front row held her breath while I walked up to the microphone.
“Corral,” I said. “C-O-R-R-A-L. Corral.”
It’s me, Stephanie. I know, it’s been a while. I have a slightly different haircut now. I’m a little taller. I grew this impressive mustache. But behind this virile handlebar is the same old Stephanie, back at Listful Thinking and ready to blog.
I shouldn’t be here.
On the internet, I mean. It’s too dangerous. You see, I’m a junkie. It’s not really my fault — I’m a digital native who grew up with the internet, so I didn’t even know I had a problem until recently.
I’ve pretty much never had a question I couldn’t Google right away, and I have a lot of questions. I like reading, and the internet always has material. There are hours of stand-up comedy routines and music videos on YouTube, movies and television shows get beamed right to my computer, and when my eyeballs need a break I pump podcasts into my ears until bedtime. Then there’s just enough time for one more quick Google and three hours down the rabbit hole that is Tumblr before I finally fall asleep and dream about tweeting.
Things I’m Sorry About
- That I haven’t taken down Big Celery and people are still pushing its agenda and putting it in otherwise perfectly good foods.
- That, upon re-reading an email I sent yesterday that was supposed to put someone in their place with righteous indignation, I discovered that what I had actually written was pretty mild-mannered and polite.
- How, for the first time ever, a post on this blog does not contain a single list.
Things I’m Not Sorry About
- Writing headings that end in dangling prepositions.
- The trailer for my new YouTube channel, Life and Steph. Oh, look! There it is, right at the bottom of this blog post. How did that get there?
- How I tricked you and this post had two lists in it the whole time. Oh-ho-ho. That Stephanie. What a card.