It’s me, Stephanie. I know, it’s been a while. I have a slightly different haircut now. I’m a little taller. I grew this impressive mustache. But behind this virile handlebar is the same old Stephanie, back at Listful Thinking and ready to blog.
I’ll be the first to admit that I can be cocky.
I’m certainly not egotistical about everything — most of my life is spent self-consciously over-analyzing everything I do. (For example, I forgot the word “party” earlier today and said “shebang” instead and it’s been haunting me for 11 hours now. Shebang.) There are a few areas, though, in which I have such complete confidence in myself that even I find it annoying.
Areas in which I Am Cocky
- I’m a pretty good writer.
- I’m a really good Google searcher.
- I have the PLU code for bananas memorized a decade after leaving the grocery industry. It’s not really a big deal. Quit applauding, you’re making me blush.
I’ve been alive for more than a quarter of a century and I have no idea who I am.
Sure, I know some stuff about me. I know what I like — animals, smoothies, puns — and I know what I dislike — snakes, human papillomavirus, celery. I know I’m five-foot-four. (Fine. I’m five-foot-three-and-a-quarter.) I know I’m a brunette. (Fine. I know I’m blonde and ashamed of it.) I know my people came from Oklahoma, and way before that some of them were kicked out of Scotland. I know I’m good at writing and bad at confrontation. I know I don’t believe in ghosts unless I’m in a creepy basement and that I believe in miracles since you came along.
I shouldn’t be here.
On the internet, I mean. It’s too dangerous. You see, I’m a junkie. It’s not really my fault — I’m a digital native who grew up with the internet, so I didn’t even know I had a problem until recently.
I’ve pretty much never had a question I couldn’t Google right away, and I have a lot of questions. I like reading, and the internet always has material. There are hours of stand-up comedy routines and music videos on YouTube, movies and television shows get beamed right to my computer, and when my eyeballs need a break I pump podcasts into my ears until bedtime. Then there’s just enough time for one more quick Google and three hours down the rabbit hole that is Tumblr before I finally fall asleep and dream about tweeting.
The following post is real crazy. If you’re not into crazy, and just into tribute videos to housecats and fun facts about the Muppets, go watch this and then subscribe to my YouTube channel, Life & Steph.
When we hit 100 subscribers, we get a fancy vanity URL. I’ll be honest with you guys. I’m so vain, I probably think the YouTube channel named after me is about me.
Hello! I’m so glad you’re here! Thank you so much for agreeing to help me out this week. Things have just been so crazy at work lately. And at home. And while I’m lying in the dark with my eyes shut, trying my very best to be unconscious. Well, you know how it is.
This morning I looked in the mirror and hardly knew who I was looking at. Stephanie, I thought, you need a break! And then I tried to stop thinking right away because that’s what I need a break from. This ceaseless hustle and bustle in my head. I can’t turn it off. I can’t stop thinking. I need a vacation from my brain, and that’s why you’re here.