Category: Life and Steph

Candy is Dandy but Liquor is Quicker

Three Things (and a video)

  1. I hope you had a happy Valentine’s Day
  2. I hope no one gave you conversation hearts
  3. Because I would never wish that on you

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A Bushel and a Peck and a Hug Around the Neck

Things We Need To Stop Doing

  • Believing that celery is a food and not just a gross, non-toxic weed
  • Pretending Pinterest makes any sense at all
  • Wearing those jeans with the crazy rhinestone pockets on the butt
  • Making Minion-themed memes (They don’t make sense! Why are the Minions there? Why do they suddenly have all these opinions about marriage and final exams?)
  • Claiming cake is better than pie
  • This:

 

You can read more thoughts on the horror that is hugging here. I’ll be on Amazon, ordering a large plastic bubble to live in.

Women Trapped in Gender Roles and Under Cats

I can’t blog tonight because I am physically trapped in a ridiculous situation.

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I’m not kidding. It’s absurd.

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Life inside a Slapstick Routine

On my way to work on Monday, I shut a part of my body in the car door.

This happens often, actually. I’ve shut my fingers in there more than once, and when I had long hair, it would get caught in the door all the time. I wouldn’t notice this until I whipped my head around to try to execute a tricky merge. I’d merge alright, but I’d have to check later for bald spots.

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This kind of thing has decreased by 4,000% since I got a pixie cut. I recommend them for that reason alone.

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How to Talk to Babes

There are two kinds of people in this world:

  1. Those of us who struggle with talking to really, really, really good looking people
  2. Those of us who are liars

And within those two categories, there are two more kinds of people:

  1. Those of us who prefer wordy blog posts describing girls making weird noises
  2. Those of us who prefer watching videos of girls making weird noises

That’s just the way of the world. Once you know where you fall in those two categories, you’ll know how you approach any problem. Any problem related to really, really, really good looking people and girls who make weird noises, anyway.

If you found that you were the first kind of person both times, here is a long blog post about talking to the most handsome man in the world!

If you found that you were the first kind of person the first time and the second kind of person the second time, here’s this:

And if you found yourself in the second group the first time, well…

Nobody likes a dirty, rotten liar.