Listless

Sometimes Monday creeps up on me and I realize I haven’t done anything bloggy all week. When this happens, I start to panic. I think, “For the love of all that is holy, Stephanie, haven’t you done anything interesting this week?”

Usually I can think of something by digging up some memory from the past, like the night I broke a grocery store, or the day I thought Jesus had come for me. I tried to do that this week, but I could only think of really short experiences– the kind that can be summed up in a tweet or two. Like the time my mom let the other girl scouts in my troop pour glue on my face while I was sleeping, or the night I didn’t go to prom and stepped on cupcakes instead. Odd, yes. A little sad, maybe. Regardless, there’s not enough to base a whole list on it.

I’m pretty much over the fear of glue thing now, anyway. Photo by alternatekev via Flickr

My solution is to frantically write lists of list ideas. I have a master list of ideas, but they’re terrible. I always ignore them and come up with more awful ideas, and that’s all I could do this week. After fighting it for a few hours, I gave up. That’s how the following post happened.

Lists I Almost Wrote This Week

– The Names of Each of My Freckles

– Why Knee Socks Are the Sock of Champions

– Things Happening on Jersey Shore vs. Things Happening in My Life

– Rejected Tweets

– Jokes I Made at the Dinner Table Last Time I Went Home, or,

Why My Family Loves Me But Probably Doesn’t Like Me

– Dreams I Had This Week, Including the One Where President Obama Sang to Me About Closets

– Gross Chapstick Flavors

– What People Think When They See Me Sitting Alone Frantically Writing Lists

– Things I Could Be Knitting Right Now

– Places I’ve Hallucinated My Boss

– Conversations I Don’t Want to Have with My Brothers, and Which They Insist on Having

– Conversation Topics Someone Who’s Bad at Having Conversations Thinks of and Immediately Rejects

– My Mom Doesn’t Want to Be My Partner on The Amazing Race, or,

I’m Less Talented Than My Other Family Members

– List Topics Which Indicate I May Be Grumpy Today

– One Time My Dad Had to Give a Speech to Some Siberian Husky Enthusiasts and Needed a Joke to Open with and Approximately 11 Years Later I Thought of Some

Siberian Husky.

Did you hear the joke about the sled dogs? This one will sleigh you.

– Other People with These Shoes

– This Is Why They Shouldn’t Let Me Out of the House

– How My Grandparents Got Lost in an Art Museum

– Bedbugs!

That’s why there’s nothing new or interesting from me this week. My brain appears to be broken. I solemnly swear to make it up to you next week.

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15 comments

  1. ThisIsMyCleverAlias

    I vote for:

    – Why My Family Loves Me But Probably Doesn’t Like Me

    and

    – Conversations I Don’t Want to Have with My Brothers, and Which They Insist on Having

    …if there is a vote.

    • Stephanie

      Ha. I actually thought about asking for a vote, so hooray for input! I’ll have to think about how interesting those lists are versus how well I need to get along with my relatives for the next few months.

  2. Mara

    “Dreams I Had This Week, Including the One Where President Obama Sang to Me About Closets”– I would love to see that one. Haha!

    And is it sad that I laughed at the “it will sleigh you” joke? Because I did.

    • Stephanie

      I really wish I could remember the lyrics to the song he sang me in that dream, because it was really peppy and there were accompanying fireworks.
      I’m really glad you laughed at the sleigh joke, because it only took me a decade or so to come up with it.

  3. southwindtrails

    You’re posts always inspire me when I’m lacking amibition to write my own blog. They always make me laugh and remind me that even the most obscure topics or mundane household items can become facinating blog topics!

    • Stephanie

      Ha. I’m relying pretty heavily on that mundane topic thing, because I lead a pretty boring life. On the other hand, if it was more exciting, I wouldn’t have time to blog.

  4. Elena Fultz

    Haha…I kind of wanted to see “Things I Could Be Knitting Right Now” (which maybe is different from “Things I WANT to be knitting right now”…

    • Stephanie

      It is INCREDIBLY different, since the things I can knit are all variations on rectangles of different lengths, and the things I want to knit are way, way more exciting.

  5. juliedswearingen

    Are there grosser chapstick flavors than “Bacon” and “Mtn. Dew”? That’s the list I want to see!

    • Stephanie

      Ew! I didn’t even know about Bacon! On the other hand, I think Tutti Fruity is pretty bad, so I’m not very experimental with my chapstick. I should start living on the edge.

  6. patrickguindon

    This post was such a tease – I’m dying to read all of these lists!!!! When are you going to put out a book of lists? I would buy it, and use it in class with my awkward 12 year old students! Especially the list with Book Jokes – it would be the best class project ever – finding ridiculous sentences in text books! I love it!!! (…. This is why other teachers think I’m weird.)

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