Miscellany! Part Deux

Sometimes I write lists to cope with things. If I’m feeling kind of anal, To Do lists are handy. If I’m facing a particularly dreadful trip to the grocery store, it’s nice to have a shopping list. And if I’m trapped on a bus for 11 hours, pretending not to hear the British lady beside me fight with the Mexican guy a few seats over, it’s easy to curl into a small ball, write a bunch of lists, and hope no one notices me. These next few short lists are the direct result of one of those scenarios.

Bad Tattoo Ideas

Specifically, this picture of me getting WAY too excited about snow.

– A lion eating a baby

– A baby eating a lion

– A shark fighting a bear (which is a tattoo that actually exists)

– A picture of myself

Questions in Songs, Answered

“How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?”

“Honestly, it’s not too shabby.”

“How long, how long must we sing this song?”

“You can probably stop now.”

“Hey Jude?”

“Yeah Paul?”

“How do you afford your rock n’ roll lifestyle?”

“With a decidedly un-rock n’ roll office job.”

“Would you dance if I asked you to dance?”

“No, Enrique. I hate this song.”

Places I Can’t Go Due to Romantic Entanglements

– The sandwich station in my school cafeteria

– Kilt stores

– My middle school

– Harry Potter premieres

– One gas station in my home town

Things That Sound Dirty

– Uvula

– Furbelow

– Hircine

– Obbligato

– Prolix

– Syringa

– Jack-in-the-Pulpit

– Effulgent

What Those Things Actually Are

– That hangy thing in your mouth

– Ruffles on clothes

– Of or resembling a goat

Normally I avoid puns, but… check out my kid brother.

– An integral instrumental in a musical piece

– Excessively lengthy

– A type of flower

– A type of plant

– Glowing, luminous

List Topics You Would See if I Was a Smidge More Anal Than I Already Am

– Different Ways to Organize Your T-shirts

– Places I’ve Stored Coasters

– Noises You Make That Cause Me Physical Pain

– Get a Haircut, You Bum

– Let’t Talk About Alphabetization!

Why Are You Wearing a Camouflage-Print Collared Shirt?

– Was it hard to find that shirt in your closet this morning?

– How do you find your pockets?

– Is there a semi-formal hunting trip in your future?

– Is there a deer you want to impress before you shoot it?

– Are you hiding from Casual Friday?


    • Stephanie

      I think if I got any more anal, I’d be very mean-spirited. And for some reason I think I’d probably talk like Mick from the “Rocky” movies, so that’s where the bum part came from. On an unrelated note, I really liked your Charlie Sheen song the other day. You, sir, are winning.

      • marcsart

        Lol, you should start smoking cigarettes now if you want to sound like Mick by the time you are 60. Coincidentally, I think your ‘Things That Sound Dirty’ list is a stroke of genius.

  1. the nearest vagina

    from The Notebook (our ‘The Notebook’, not that other one)!! Whatever happened to The Novel?? People were going to pay us to read it. and by people i mean jake sagasar

    • Stephanie

      They ARE from The Notebook. (You’re right, that makes us sound like we’re secretly Nicolas Sparks.) I have the original copy of The Great American Novel, but I think Kristin has the nice, typed copy. It’s odd, to say the least.

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