Things to Do When You’re Bored, but Only if You’re Simultaneously Trying to Freak Out Your Parents and/or Are Really Good at Committing to Something

– Drop out of college or quit your job, start smoking pot, move in with your stoner best friend, and work at Target for the rest of your life.

– Run away to Las Vegas to get married to someone you met three hours before. (This is especially effective if you’re already married.)

– Learn how to cook, get married, have 2.3 children and a picket fence. Clip enough coupons to wallpaper a room in between making dinner and attending your kids’ recitals, games, and whatever .3 of a child does for fun.

The Muppet Show (comics)

– When I’m bored, I play “What would these people look like as Muppets?” or “Who’s holding in a fart?”, and when I look at this picture, I play “Which Muppet is holding in a fart?”

– Become a psychopath.

– Become an amateur porn star or a YouTube celebrity. Or both!

– Fall in love. Right now. Go!

– Have a near-death experience.

– Get arrested for something. Preferably your near-death experience.

– Kidnap someone.

– Run away, join the circus, and become a sword-swallower.

– Get pregnant.

– Join a cheerleading squad, become popular and blonde, and get shitfaced at parties every night of the week.

– Develop schizophrenia.

– Join a rock band and go on tour- die of an overdose or STD, depending on whether you like Jim Morrison or Freddie Mercury more. There’s always the Sid Vicious route– stabbing your significant other.

– Act on any transgendered inklings and get yourself some new junk.

– Disappear.

– Get an exotic pet/boyfriend/girlfriend (ex., a school of piranhas/a Rastafarian/ a Neo-Nazi).

– Become a beautician or enroll in computer classes. (This actually won’t freak out your parents. I just thought this list needed one constructive idea.)

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