Category: Bored Now
A Handbook for the Recently Unemployed
Are you out of work? Maybe school’s out, maybe you quit your job in a fit of rage, or maybe you were laid off. The point is, you’ve played so many games of the Sims that even locking them in a room until they pee themselves has lost its former appeal. Until recently, you were a contributing member of society and the knowledge that you’re now basically a leach is slowly pulling you into a miasma of shame and sloth. Or maybe you’re having fun, I don’t know.
I’ve been unemployed for a month now. (I KNOW.) I was doing that whole “job hunt” thing and it really wasn’t working out for me. I knew it was over when I interviewed in a clothing store at the mall and they asked me one question (“Why did you wear what you’re wearing today?”) and then told me they’d let me know. They did not let me know. Several rejections and many unanswered applications later, I’ve been forced to embrace the fact that for the next month and a half, I’ll have a lot of time off. All the time off, in fact. I’m sort of drifting through life, so I wrote this guide. It hasn’t helped me, but maybe it will help you.
Things to Do When You’re Bored, but Only if You’re Simultaneously Trying to Freak Out Your Parents and/or Are Really Good at Committing to Something
- Drop out of college or quit your job, start smoking pot, move in with your stoner best friend, and work at Target for the rest of your life.
- Run away to Las Vegas to get married to someone you met three hours before. (This is especially effective if you’re already married.)
- Learn how to cook, get married, have 2.3 children and a picket fence. Clip enough coupons to wallpaper a room in between making dinner and attending your kids’ recitals, games, and whatever .3 of a child does for fun.
